The Roaming Fryer

In 1958, Mao Zedong noticed that rats, mice and birds were eating the seeds in the field.  He declared that the farmers should kill all birds and vermin to ensure a better harvest.  This campaign was half successful in its mission.  They killed some of the vermin and all the birds but without birds to manage the insect population the consequences were felt the next season.  There was a plague of locusts that ate the crops and lead to nationwide famine.

Did your mother ever tell you to…. finish you dinner because there are children starving in China?  Well, this is where that saying comes from.  It is also my understanding that Mao went to Korea and asked their leader to give him birds to repopulate China’s bird population.  Now and then you see some birds but its nothing like what we have in the US.  WE can open our window and never hear a bird or even see one.

Knowing this, would you believe it if WE told you a bird flew into our apartment.  WE still can’t believe it.  The other night WE were watching television and WE heard something in the kitchen.  SHE went over turned on the light looked around and didn’t see anything.  Returned to the living room and no more than 30 seconds later WE heard more noises in the kitchen.  SHE returned to the kitchen and saw a tiny skylark (brown songbird).  Of course, a million things went through her mind….

He’s probably hungry, I should feed him some bread.  Where’s the bread?  I think he wants to live with us, how nice that he picked us.  I’ll need to pick up a cage tomorrow.  Where am I going to keep him tonight?  HE will not want him pooping all over the apartment.

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SHE was abruptly brought back to reality when SHE heard HE asking SHE to help open all the windows in the great room and shut the bedroom doors.  After about two minutes of excitement WE coaxed the bird back into the wild.

How did the bird get into the apartment?  As you may know, the apartment heat is regulated by the government; its either on or of.  When its on, the apartment can get up to 81 degrees.  WE regulate the temperature by opening the windows.  We have screens but with the pollution and dirt they get pretty yucky.  Since there are no flies or insects in the winter WE open the windows without the screens on.  Never in a million years thinking we would have a visitor.

A Survivor’s Guide

We have had a lot of experience in local air travel during our time in China.  We have considered writing about this before, and likely have referenced some of this in previous discussions or postings.  This is intended to be a user’s guide if you will – A chance to learn the lesson without having to experience it firsthand.

Some notes that apply in general:

• The flights are always full
• The seat belt sign is merely a suggestion.  It is off exactly once during the flight – after the plane lands, is at the gate, and everyone is already standing up.  During the flight they may “turn it back on” (although it was never off) because of turbulence, but it still is merely a suggestion.
• There is no boarding sequence despite anything your boarding pass may say
• The only thing better than a mad rush at the gate to board is finding you are going downstairs to a bus and then you get to mad rush out of the bus to the airplane stairs out on the tarmac
• If the flight is early in the day – “Western Breakfast or Chinese Breakfast”.  If it is later in the day, “Beef Noodle or Chicken Rice”.  Choose wisely and at your own risk.  (corollary to this theorem – it is a math reference …  Google it:  Hot Black Coffee is always safe everywhere in the world but not always tasty.  Or maybe one of those was an Axiom.)
• It seems that many of the people who travel between the “other” cities (not Beijing) are infrequent and/or inexperienced travelers.
• Boxes make great suitcases
• 1 carry-on and 1 personal item is really more of a guideline . . . nobody is counting and it is unclear what category a shopping bag (or seven) regardless of size counts as.
• Carry on size is anything that fits through the x-ray machine . . . and they have big openings in China

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 Keys to Survival:

1.  Wear Long Sleeves:  This seems like an odd entry and surely doesn’t warrant being number one on the list . . . right?  WRONG!  We hear you . . . what if it is really hot outside?  What if the plane is hot?  Surely this cannot be a 100% rule.  Trust us . . . It is.  The sickest HE has been in a long time followed a local flight with short sleeves.  WE had settled in to our standard “window seat/middle seat” configuration and were early in the flight when “aisle seat” sneezed, or coughed, or snoughed, or cheezed . . . all over HE’s bare arm.  (It is rare to see someone cover their mouth when doing any of the above.).  There weren’t enough napkins available to dry off and by the time wash facilities were available, the nasties had set in.  4 weeks later HE kicked it and now has “immunity”.
2.  Choose a Window Seat:  Even if you always prefer an Aisle Seat, you really want a window seat unless you like full contact boarding and unloading.  The “customary” process of plane landing, pull to the gate, seat belt sign off, everyone in the aisle seats stand up and start unloading the overhead doesn’t work here.  If you stand up in the aisle, you will be pushed, bumped, run-over and various other things as people try to pass as many others as they can before the jam up occurs.  WE don’t know why they do this . . . as soon as they get out the door of the airplane they stop and block everyone exiting.  Clearly it makes sense to someone but we still haven’t solved the mystery.  Choose a window seat and avoid the pushing and the rush.  Baggage handling isn’t that fast anyways.
3. When the plane lands it is a free for all.  Not when the plane pulls to the gate but when it hits the ground.  If you are in an aisle seat, you should anticipate that the person in the middle seat or window seat is going to try to climb over you to get to the aisle while the plane is still taxiing (reason #2 for choosing a window seat).  People all position to get closest to the door before the real mad rush starts when the plane stops moving.  This is also a time to enjoy the symphony of cell phone sounds while listening to the announcement that says “cell phone use is prohibited until the plane is at the gate and the seat belt sign is off”.  Maybe the English translation of this is different than the Chinese because WE rarely see behavior that aligns with “prohibited”.
4.  Barf Bags are installed in each seatback pocket for a reason – WE have seen a number of people toss their Beef Noodle (or was it Chicken Rice?) on the flights.  The flights are not overly bumpy – it is not clear what causes this but WE suspect they are not drinking coffee and this is a contributing factor.  (Point of fact, if you allow us to brag . . . HE has not sympathy puked once after listening to, seeing, and smelling (!) a Chinese Ralph-Meister in action.  The local market training has really paid off.)
5.  Play Offense:  Standing in line and waiting your turn only works if you play offense.  If you leave a space large enough for a person (in some cases even a small person), someone will try to fill it.  WE have found if you say something, you will usually get a quick apology and they will move right behind you (but in front of all the people behind you who are too polite to say anything).
6.  Play Defense:  Your personal space is only yours if you defend it (like the space between the armrests, like tilting your seat back, like the space under your seat, like your tray table – see separate story in HE Said . . .).  At some point, ask SHE about the time she was ready to “throw down” with the guy behind her who kept pushing her seat back . . . apparently he felt claustrophobic when the seat was tilted back – at least that is what the flight attendant translated as she stepped into the melee.
7.  Play Special Teams:  (Yes – a football reference)  When claiming luggage, stake your territory claim early and leave no room for someone to squeeze in.  Or, as we have found much better, either go as far away from the luggage exit onto the baggage belt as possible or stand back as far as you can and let the others scrum for space.  However, no matter how far you stand back, someone will run their cart into you, your cart or your luggage – even if you are standing by yourself.  Considering it a little love tap that says “welcome to your destination” will help you accept the situation instead of becoming upset or asking “why?”.
8. International Travel is Entirely Different:  Recently HE needed to take an international flight on a China national carrier.  Based on local travel experience, HE was dreading it.  It turned out to be wasted worry.  It seems that international travel (especially if you have a little airline “status”) doesn’t necessarily fit with these rules.  The “Economy Plus” Section of the plane included slippers and bottled water.  As a “gold” customer, they even block the seat next to you!  In general, the international flights all operate very new, very clean, very modern equipment.  Surprising, but it was a pleasurable travel experience.

 WE cannot avoid local air travel and we would not suggest others should avoid it. However, WE would strongly suggest understanding the above and packing an extra dose of patience before you start your travel.  If you get in a hurry, it “amplifies” the experience.  If you are able to stand back and take it all in, there is actually a lot of funny stuff to see and no doubt a few stories you can take home as souvenirs.

WE have been away from Roaming Fryer for awhile.  We hope you will accept our sincere apology for the drought of posts.  During this period, WE have not quit roaming, experiencing or writing, we just haven’t been posting.  WE really don’t have a great excuse, but through the US holiday period and then the China holiday period, there is a lot of stuff going on.

What you have missed (or what we have failed to update you on):

• The year-end celebration at work.  Some of you may have seen pictures on SHE’s facebook page.  This is a big whoop-de-doo here.  An academy awards style presentation of factory results, goals for the next year, then awards for many different things.  It was held in a big theater and award winners were called up on stage to receive their prizes (the music, if we were not mistaken, was the theme song from Bonanza).  HE had to present two different awards including a fabulous set of door prizes.  After the awards, there was a 90 minute show put on by the employees including singing, dancing and fancy emceeing.  This was followed by a full company dinner (too many people for one night so we got to go two nights in a row).  WE have added this to “Talk-Abouts”.  HE “bunny hopped” the bicycle on stage . . . the grand prize give away (too hard to write . . . you have to ask).
• The winter has been very cold!  Really too cold to snow.  We have snow in places, but not very much.  Temperatures through January were routinely minus 20 to 30 (at this point, do you really care if it is deg. F or deg. C?).
• WE went to the Jiamusi Ice Festival again this year – built up on the river.  WE did not go inner tube sledding on the manmade snow mountain (on the river), or ice sliding on the big ice ramp (on the river – you get the picture), or chair ice skating.  WE did go ice go-carting.  But we had a chaperone with us the entire time because we think they were not sure if we knew how to drive – the instructions started with what the pedal on the right did versus the pedal on the left.  WE did complete “ice-donuts” in the go cart even with the guy hanging on to the outside of the vehicle frame.  WE did not use the Ice Block “Ess-House” (fancy for outhouse and definitely a BYOAW).  It was constructed of ice block walls to form a little “maze” entry for privacy, had a built up platform to stand (squat) on, a couple of holes cut into the river – yes, a two-holer with no ice block partition between the two).
• After telling us that she had made every dish that she knew, our housekeeper surprised us (actually only SHE) with a new dish.  WE are not sure what it was but when HE saw SHE take a bite, then spit it all back out into her napkin, HE knew that the dish was not for him.  SHE said it tasted like “manure” – SHE did not use a euphemism for animal fecal matter or any slang term . . .  “manure” is what she said.  After the usual . . . “How do you know what manure tastes like?” question,  HE smelled it . . . yep – Horse Apples.  That is exactly what it smelled like.  And apparently what it tastes like.  HE took SHE’s word for it.  This was the first day in a long time we have not told the housekeeper “Good Food” after we eat.  WE also didn’t tell her “don’t make the poop platter again”.  WE hope she understood our indirect methodology to communicate because the Chinese culture is expert at this.  WE will see.
• WE have escaped the cold twice on two quick trips – back to the US to warmth and restock our coffee and wine supply and to spend some time with friends.  After bringing back wine from our vacation in California in October, one dinner at home per week with a bottle of wine has turned into a very, very nice treat for us and a way to “ration” our way through our remaining time here.

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Our assignment now has an end in sight, although from this distance it is still a little tough to make out the details.  WE are looking forward to a few more months of experiences to share and to returning to our home, friends and family in the US.  WE have several more postings that will go up this week.  Sorry for the delay but hope that all had a great holiday season.

There is an advantage to learning a language like WE are.  WE are struggling enough with the regular words that WE have not started using the Chinese “Umm”.  In English it is common to hear people, during the course of conversation, to throw in the occassional “Umm”, “Ahh”, and even a “Like” – non-word words that people use as thought connectors, thinking time, or noise to fill a pause.  If you were Canadian, you might add “Ay” to something.  If you are from a particular part of the northern US, you might be an abuser of “Don’t ‘cha know”.

HE was sharing stories about a two-day off-site meeting at work where there were a number of presentations by people who were nervous.  The Chinese “Umm” is quite common in regular conversation.  It is even more apparent when people have to present something or make a public speech and they are a little nervous – similar to every other language and culture.  It may be that WE are more sensitive to this because of what it sounds like . . .

The Chinese “Umm” usually does not travel alone.  It is routinely a rapid fire of words that translates to “Umm, Umm, Umm”.   When WE first arrived, WE heard it a lot when people were talking so we asked a few people what it meant (because the first and second answer did not seem plausible).  It was interesting to hear how people translated this.

“It means “Well” . . .” (as in, “Well . . . I think you understand now”)

“It is effectively a “Verbal Pause” . . . It means nothing”

“Umm, Umm, Umm . . . ”  (See how this works . . . this is the end of one thought and the start of another).

In the spirit of the season, we have started watching Christmas Movies (note:  We have not had TV for almost 4 months now . . . WE are pretty sure WE miss it but at this point it is hard to be sure).  We have the classics:  A Christmas Story, Elf, Fred Claus, Scrooged, The Nightmare before Christmas, Four Christmases (the barf scene makes us laugh every time!), Donkey’s Christmas Shrektacular, Trapped in Paradise.  WE are now into the “Second Tier” in preparing for the holidays and this is where WE need reader help to “Break a Deadlock”.   One of us believes these are also Christmas Movies, one of us does not.  Your input could help us – are these movies on the “Naughty” (not Christmas) or “Nice” (Holiday Season Essentials) List:

• Lethal Weapon (before you vote . . . while the screen is still black at the start of the movie, Jingle Bell Rock is loudly played and Mr. Joshua finds a note on the Christmas Tree leading to the final front-yard throw down . . . see, you get the idea) 
• Die Hard (this is the movie that made Run DMC’s Christmas Song famous)
• Trading Places (Dan Ackroyd in a Santa Suit)

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Instead of ending with one of the customary holiday salutations, WE will use a common phrase from one of the second tier films.  “Yippee Ki -Yay . . .”

That is right!  This can only mean one thing . . . The river has frozen!  The proud winner of the 40RMB will be notified and properly paid once they cough up their 2 American Dollars.  If desired, we will throw in a bag of spicy chicken feet as a bonus – gives us a shout . . . you know who you are.

The recogition of the winner has not come without a slice of controversy and a sliver of irony.  First the sliver . . . of the 4 highly competitive contestants, the winner was the one person who does not reside in Jiamusi and has never seen the Songhua River except via Google Satellite Image.  We chalk this up to either beginner’s luck or much better research methods.  The slice . . . the housekeeper had selected November 22nd — she maintains that we cannot be certain of the results because we did not stay up late enough last night to verify that, in fact, the river was NOT frozen solid at midnight.  While it is a justifiable claim to build a protest on top of, the fact is the only way we could confirm that the river was frozen at midnight (even if we were awake) would be to walk out to the river with a flashlight (and WE would rather give her the 40 RMB than do that).

The temperature dipped to a balmy minus 6 degrees C (or 22 deg F if  you prefer) but earlier this week it was minus 8.  Saying “minus 8” in Chinese, HE learned this week,  sounds a lot like FUBAR.  Not exactly like it – but close enough to make you giggle.  Example Conversation: 

• “Wow! It is cold today.  How Cold Is It?” 
• “Fubar.” 
• “Yes.  It it is.” <subtle smirk and failed effort to hide giggle>

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WE discovered that we can, in fact, order mashed potatoes and gravy at our local chinese restaurant (KFC).  Still no coleslaw, but progress is being made.  While most of you are preparing for a Thanksgiving Feast, Bad Football Games (Hey!  Are the Lions still contenders?), and detailing your Black Friday strategy, we are hunkering down for another “Regular Thursday”.  HE has a two-day meeting in town with dinners included so we will have a Chanksgiving bucket of chicken and a side of mashed potatoes on Saturday.  With a little luck, we might even find some jellied red fruit like thing that we can set on the table to dress up the meal.

WE are thankful for many things this year and clearly recognize how much we miss the comforts of home, family and friends.  WE hope your Thanksgiving is grand and will toast you with the last of our Maker’s Mark during our Saturday KFC-Fest.

This week marked the start of “Long John Season” here in Jiamusi.  This is the third seaon is Jiamusi, the other two are “cool days where long johns aren’t required” and “44 days where you can wear shorts most of the time”.  Monday morning at “go-time” is was 28deg F (-2 deg if you roll with deg C) which meant HE’s office was going to be cold (turns out it wasn’t REAL cold:  52Fdegs or 11 if you like C).  Saturday night/Sunday early morning was our first “big” snow of the season – or maybe Snice (there was a lot of ice on the roads but snow on the grass). It was enough that SHE’s flight back to Jiamusi was delayed 5 hours until the runway could be chiseled, hoe’ed, broomed, and shoveled clean.

With the first snow here and upriver comes the first signs of either ice flows or snow dumps in the river. It seems that as snow is cleared from the streets and loaded into trucks to be hauled away, they back up to the edge of the river and dump it in leading to nice snowbergs floating through the city. WE have officially started the pool for the day the river will freeze solid – if you want to get in the action, send your date (and a time as the tie breaker) via e-mail to either HE or SHE. (Cost of entry is 10RMB or 2 American Dollars – sorry, we do not honor free market exchange rates here but will accept an IOU).

WE wanted to give a shout-out beyond the book review to Michael Levy . . . Author of Kosher Chinese. You can find an expert review of this fine literary effort on the She Said>She Read page. More interesting, or at least a nice personal touch, Mr. Levy has a website AND he responds to posts you put there. Check out kosherchinese.wordpress.com.  If you ever thought for a second that we make this stuff up, read his book and be forced to change your mind.
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In his book, Levy talks about encountering strange “American Names” for Chinese people he meets.  Most recently, HE was talking to someone at work about his chosen Chinese name.  As a refresher, HE chose “Mu LaoHu” for a number a reasons, but mostly because HE thought it was funny (we call the driver LaoHu but not with the Tiger tone) and also thought it roughly translated to “Tiger Woods”.  The women HE was talking to immediately started laughing, then asked HE to repeat it.  “Mu LaoHu . . . you know – Tiger Woods . . . right”.  Apparently not right.

Mu LaoHu (for the sake of our discussion, WE will ignore the tone required for this) most directly translates to female or lady tiger.  More importantly to know, this trusted colleague indicated that this is “what a Chinese man may say about his wife if she is not being very nice”.  According to HE, this makes perfect sense . . . if your wife is not being very nice, she may be ready to “Tiger Woods” you.  It seems that the real meaning of this is much closer to the English word for a female dog.  Although it would  not be the first time that someone has called HE this either.

Officially RoamingFryer in One Year Old.  It would seem to be cause for celebration as it means we survived the first year.  WE chose to go out to lunch this weekend as part of the weekend of festivities honoring the event . . . Our destination . . . The Pancake King!

This isn’t a “Pancake King” like IHOP or Village Inn . . . more like a weak (flavored and overall folding/finger poke-thru strength) tortillas that you roll vegtables and some sort of meat infused sauce in (duck?).  They are good – in a not quite Chinese food way but not quite food that you find in the US either.  WE would detail all the food that the King of Pancakes served us during our milestone lunch, except we never made it . . .

On our walk to visit “The King”, WE meandered a little . . . this is common when we venture out of the apartment.  There are routes WE like to take (like along the river boardwalk), and routes WE would prefer to avoid but sometimes have to take – normally these are the sidewalks/alleys that are still not sure if they want to function as pedestrian thoroughfares or a place for people to dump their trash and/or leave bodily waste.  On this particular walk we took a street that we do not normally walk.  In fairness, HE’s navigation was one block off in heading to see The King.

As WE were walking, we saw a new restaurant – not new enough to have the fan powered rainbow arch moonwalk thing in front or all the flowers sent from friends, but new enough that there were still temporary signs up.  The name on the front of the restaurant . . . “Verona Pizza” . . . yes, in English on a permanent sign.  (If it was possible to have music play right now, it would be one of those “indicative of a moment of shock / awe / revelation instrumental sounds”).

Verona Pizza apparently opened to honor one year of RoamingFryer in Jiamusi.  They clearly understood the trials and tribulations of searching for pizza in a small town (of around 1,000,000 people).  They chose to decorate with US movie posters.  It may be that we were the first Americans to visit (because they were hoping first to give us the Russian menus).  Their menu was not “fully English”, but it had enough words and enough pictures to function.  (Example:  A picture of a Pizza with the word “American” – no idea what is on an American Pizza, so we passed on that one . . . we elected to go with “Hawaii” and “Black Pepper Beef” – yes we got two pizzas . . . It was a celebration!).

Strangely . . . The place did not have Coca-Cola, or any soda of any kind.  Juice.  Tea.  Beer – not local beer, but a very popular major Chinese brand of beer.  They also had an employee that periodically came to the table to speak English with us.  He brought the beer to our table (you can’t drink juice or tea with pizza) and, as a courtesy before opening it, reminded us that the beer was “50 RMB” per bottle – he said this in English.  WE asked to confirm, and yes, he assured us that it was 50RMB.  (note:  50RMB will not consume our full dining allowance, but it is pricey.  The local beer, Jiafeng, runs between 4 and 8 RMB depending upon what restaurant you go to).  We decided that maybe tea or juice sounded better.

After the waiter left with our two cold bottles of beer (to return to the fridge), WE had a quick discussion . . . This is where our one year of experience kicked in . . . Did he mean 50 or 15?  (The “teens” are tough number to communicate with in China . . . even people with outstanding English skills have trouble with it here . . . Similar to our challenge with the difference between horse and mother – both are “ma” in Chinese with a different tone).  HE found the waiter and asked (in Chinese!) – was that 50 or 15 – in Chinese it is straight forward – Wu Shi (50) or Shi Wu (15).  Turns out the beers were 15RMB . . . What the heck, it was a celebration!  WE splurged for two.

The pizza was the best we have had in Jiamusi.

The rest of the big, big celebration weekend included special events like viewing the complete Indiana Jones series, each of us finishing a book, and of course getting RoamingFryer updated.

What have WE learned in a year?

• If something seems really out of whack expensive . . . ask again or make a counter offer.  You probably either didn’t understand or they were starting with a high price but are willing to make a better price for such a good friend and/or first customer of the day.
• Just because it smells awful doesn’t mean it can’t be eaten (but in most cases it means that it will not be eaten by anyone but locals)
• Animals are wild . . .Tigers are fast, Monkey’s don’t like to be cheated, and Fish do not like grocery store conveyor belts.
• The better you are able to say “Ni Hao” (hello in Chinese), the more people think you fully understand and can communicate in expert, rapid-fire Chinese
• There are some things WE will probably never understand . . . when you ask locals about something you don’t understand but really want to, many times their answer is “I don’t know” . . . and if they don’t know, WE really don’t have a chance.

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This will be a very short post . . . WE hosted guests in Beijing last week.  It is fair to say that although our guests only received the “Beijing Treatment” and not “The Full Jiamusi”  (like The Full Monty . . The cost varies depending on the number cialis australia of treatments needed, the doctor, or the region. As a consequence of this I always recommend using a lubricant, and I have found that – Every man faces difficulty about his performance at some time in their lives and this may cause discontentment generic levitra in the act of intimacy. The subconscious discover these guys order viagra prescription sexual attraction: Pheromones can act as powerful antioxidants. In fact, about 70% of all potency issues http://www.donssite.com/truckphoto/Pictures_of_trucks_on_the_road.htm cialis cost low have organic causes. . only different), they did get to experience many of the things WE have shared here.

For all you naysayers and those suggesting WE like to embellish, WE suggest you check out the full details in the narrative being published by HE’s Sister (one of the guests).  If you are a faithful RoamingFryer-ite, you have directions in your e-mail notification.  Yes . . . you should read those notifications in their entirity – they are full of informative, useful, and sometimes interesting tidbits.

Last month we went into the mountains for an overnight trip.  This excursion was put together for two reasons 1.) to be the test-run for a factory outing 2.) as an outing for long term visitors to the factory (they will be here over 6 weeks).

PRE-DEPARTURE:  SHE packed her usual amount…after hiking outfit, pajamas, 2nd day outfit, sneakers, sandals, slippers, toiletries, and food supplies (ie trail mix, snickers, chips, cokes, water, french press, ground coffee, and a thermos full of coffee) -just the essentials. All of this fit nicely into two small to midsize overnight bags. In contrast, the Chinese all packed extra small to small bags. Our driver packed a bag the size of a sandwich zip-lock baggie .  One may wonder if it was a magic bag -like in the Harry Potter movie.  HE has been on “in-country” business trips and his co-workers took only a brief case.  SHE reminds HE “keep dreaming -that will never happen on one of their trips.”

The car picked us at 6:15am and we met up with the group at the factory, made our introductions, and formed our caravan which consisted of 4 cars (1 Russian, 2 Germans, 2 Americans, and 13 Chinese).  We hit the road by 6:35am -coffee in hand.

We were in the car a little over two hours before we arrived at our first stop: the Wood Carving garden.  This Wood Carving Garden consisted of many hand carved sculptures -that were very detailed and beautiful. It had a nice garden and lake. You could compare it to a park in the US, only if that park charged admission.

Many of the other tourist were more impressed with our group than with the surroundings. One of the Germans was a guy that had blue eyes and stood about 6’5″, the other German was very young and had hair exactly like Justin Bieber. It probably didn’t help that SHE kept calling him Justin and all white people look the same. HE was wearing his dark shades, baseball cap and was pulling off the Kevin Costner look. Needless to say, there are tons of pictures circulating in China of this group.  China Survival Skill #3: It’s okay to stare but a picture will last longer – (Standard answer: yes, you can take a picture with me, just tag me on FB)

We toured here for about two hours before piling back in the car. We were told it would be about a 30 minutes ride to reach the restaurant for lunch (ETA of 1:00pm). An hour and 30 minutes later we found ourselves next to a lake in the mountains. There were four rustic style A-frame cabins. The first was the cook house, the other three were setup for groups to have meals. The meal could be classified as “Mountain Folk” food. What is “Mountain Folk” food? Its the type of food that is readily available in the mountains if you were hunting, trapping or gathering. The table was set family style and you were able take as much or as little as you would like. There were plates of 1. Venison 2. Scrambled Eggs 3. Cucumber and Mushrooms 4. Green Beans 5. Potatoes and some special meat. Let’s stop with that one, because that is where SHE actually lost her appetite. SHE placed a little potato and some meat on her plate. The potato was delicious but the meat seemed to be all bone and extremely difficult to handle with chopsticks. After a few failed attempts, the meat landed on her plate in just the right way that she saw itty bitty teeth. Teeth?? Yes, teeth.

The kind you might see on a chipmunk (minus the nose/front two teeth). Yup, SHE was now convinced she was eating chipmunk skull meat and decided to stop and wash it down with beer.  China Survival Skill # 6:  You can get your daily allowance of calories from beer. Which of course if followed by China Survival Skill #7: Know how to order beer and preceeded by China Survival Skill #4: Sometimes its better not to know what you are eating.  (OR) Know how to say things you will or won’t eat.

After our “mountain folk” style meal,  we traveled on for an afternoon hike in the National Forrest.    We probably hiked for four solid hours, enjoying the sights and various trails (again paved trails).  It was a good day for a hike, sunny but a little bit humid. Afterwards, we were talking about how good a shower would feel and then a bite to eat.

We piled into our cars to head to the hotel.  After an hour and a half (and a long dirt road) we arrived at what looked like a Green House with neon signs outside.  We started questioning whether this was the hotel or a restaurant.  We were all exhausted, sticky and hungry -at this point it really didn’t matter what this place was, we knew one of our needs was about to be met.  The interior was a lot like a botanical garden but with tables intermingled among the vegetation and koi ponds.  In an effort to round out the “nature” feel / ambiance it was slightly humid and had mosquitoes.  We had a very traditional Chinese meal -no surprise meats.   Afterwards, we piled back into our cars and headed for the hotel.  It was 10pm after a very long and active day.  We were ready to go to bed only to discover that getting to the room was a major two stage process.

Stage One: Getting to the actual accommodations.  The group was gathered together in the parking lot and we began to walk.  The property is nestled into the base of a hill and split in half by a river.  On one side of the river is the parking lot and on the other side was walking trails and several different buildings that held the guest rooms.   From the parking lot we crossed a bridge and followed a trail for about 5 minutes till we arrived in the foyer of one of the building.

Stage Two:  Selecting your room (aka free for all).  Once in the building, an attendant opened several rooms, and the group was told to start picking rooms.  Once these were filled, the remaining members of the group were taken upstairs to the third floor and the same process occurred again…doors opened, we were told to pick a room.  No real room assignments, no keys,  free for all.

Our room had two twin Chinese beds in it.   Why do I qualify the beds as Chinese.  They were less than a foot off the ground and where the mattress should go there were wood planks covered with a sheet.  At the head of the bed was a buckwheat pillow (not known as the softest type of pillow) at the foot of the bed was a thin comforter.  We were told that these are typical beds for China and that hard beds are good for your back.  I think this is told to someone to make them feel better about their bed.

The rooms were extremely hot but did have air conditioners in them.  They were not turned on but they were there.  One person in our party went in search of the attendant to turn them on.  She soon came with the controls (there was one controller for the whole floor), she asked what temperature we would like, set it and left.  We settled for 21 degrees -approximately 70 Fahrenheit.  FYI: 21 degrees for a small room is pretty chilly.

Now for that hot shower we’ve been talking about all afternoon.  The bathroom consisted of a sink, toilet and a removable shower nozzle protruding from the wall.  Of course, our first concern with the shower was that the whole bathroom would get wet when in use.  We proceed to remove the toilet paper and the two over-sized washcloths that were meant to be used as towels.  When we turned on the shower, we soon discovered that pressure really wasn’t going to be an issue and the size of the towels were actually appropriate.  So much for a good hot shower before bed.  We decided to classify this hotel under the roughing it category or International three star/ US one star.  China Survival Skill #10: For your own sanity -set your expectations low to allow plenty of room for pleasant surprise.

The building started to quiet down around 11:00 pm and came alive again around 6:30 am.  Which really wasn’t too bad because we were to meet everyone at 7:30 am at the restaurant (next door) for breakfast.  We got ready quickly (the bathroom now only had mountain stream temperature water) and headed outside to meet everyone.  We met up with one women whose room was located on the first floor.  She said that a tour guide came in around 5:00 am with a bull horn and shouted to her tour group that it was time to get up.  A wake-up call that apparently went for the whole building.  Luckily we did not hear this up on third floor.

As the group started to gather, one of the first things repeatedly said was, “there was no hot water” which SHE replied “Well, our room had plenty of cold.”  China Survival Skill #1: Its all in how you spin it.  If you don’t laugh you’ll cry. Which barely beat out China Survival Skill #2: Always assume the toilet is a B.Y.O.A.W. (said BEE-YOW) -a future HE Said posting.

Now after a a good nights sleep and a hot shower -now all that was NEEDED was a good cup of coffee.  As I mentioned before, SHE packed her french coffee press and a bag of coffee, the only missing ingredient was hot water.  Surely, the restaurant would have hot water.  The group headed over and found two large tables were ready and waiting.  Breakfast was served family style on a table covered by a drop-cloth (were they planning to paint the ceiling right after breakfast?) and consisted of hard boiled eggs, a spongy type of bread (which was filling) and leftover Chinese.  SHE, jonesing for her coffee, had already promised the two Germans a cup and started setting up the coffee press.  Then she was informed there was no hot water.  Huh?   How did they prepare the hard boiled eggs?  Why are they withholding hot water?  Looking at the other foreigners in our party, we were slightly worried.  We weren’t sure if they got their air conditioners turned on but we knew how hard their beds were, that they received an extremely early wake-up call, and now this.  We needed to make sure they were not at their breaking point.  We found them some western style snack foods to hold them over (cookies and crackers).  We packed home-made trail mix for ourselves but were now on the home stretch and did not have enough to share. China Survival Skill #5: Always carry a snack.

Spammers rely on mailing a mass bunch of people for the few cialis generico online who will actually take the bait. get viagra in canada Drinking liquor lessens the impacts of the pharmaceutical. It often affects the younger men between 15 to 49 ages. online viagra http://www.learningworksca.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/A-Golden-Opportunity-Strategies-to-Focus-Adult-Education-on-College-and-Career.pdf It has come to be known as the “weekender” due to its long last purchase generic cialis effects. After breakfast we headed out to go rafting.  It was again a beautiful summer day..sunny but humid.  Perfect for drifting down a river.  HE asked the trip coordinator one more time, “You’re sure we don’t need swim suits?”  HE received the same response, “No, we are only going to be floating down a river, no need for a swimsuit.”

Our group started to pair up and load into the rafts.  WE of course choose the one attendant that thought it was funny to splash you once you were in your boat.  SHE was soaked to the bone.  HE told her, “Yup, no need for a swimsuit.”  No worries we were going to drifting for a while SHE could dry before we landed.  Two seconds after SHE uttered these words did WE run into a bunch of people staked out around the bend waiting to splash unsuspecting rafters.  This happened over and over to the point that you expected some sort of splash fight when you passed a rafting group.  HE devised an excellent surrender pose while SHE held up the double peace sign -this left one group totally baffled.  Do we splash or not???

After an hour we drifted passed a make shift restaurant.  It was a shack on the side of the river and behind it was a corn field.  Obviously their target market was rafters.  After a  quick conversation (yes . . . in Chinese) and a small climb up a hill, beers were purchased.  SHE gave them a lot of credit, they did try to up-sell her to “fish on a stick.”  SHE quickly told them she had just eaten.  Back into the rafts and we quickly distributed the beers among our European friends.  It really was a nice venture: sun, water, beers, and a lot of fun.  Note: WE recommend that you wear a swimsuit -you may be drifting down a river but you WILL get wet and budget 5RMB per beer you plan to consume – they accept soaking wet cash.

Back to the hotel for lunch.  This meal was more like the “mountain folk” food: potato dish, several types of mushrooms, SHE’s favorite bean dish, venison and one special meat dish.  This meat/animal was described as having nice fur, small, black, fast and that this animal is only in the mountains -around Jiamusi they’ve eaten all of them (apparently not that fast).  SHE thought mink but HE then explained that brown and black get mixed up a lot.   The next week HE saw a picture of one at work and said it looked like a miniature deer.  For the record they are delicious -whatever they are – and apparently near extinction.

After lunch we elected to go straight home.  The trip home was a little over two hours and WE slept the whole way -we were exhausted from our adventure.

The End

Summary of top 10 China Survival Skills

China Survival Skill #1: It’s all in how you spin it.  If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

China Survival Skill #2: Always assume the toilet is a B.Y.O.A.W.

China Survival Skill #3: It’s okay to stare but a picture will last longer – (Standard answer: yes, you can take a picture with me, just tag me on FB)

China Survival Skill #4: Sometimes its better not to know what you are eating.  (OR) Know how to say things you will or won’t eat.

China Survival Skill #5: Always carry a snack.

China Survival Skill # 6:  You can get your daily allowance of calories from beer.

China Survival Skill #7: Know how to order beer.

China Survival Skill #8: Crossing the street –its real life frogger.  Good Luck.

China Survival Skill #9: Protect your space –give an inch, a mile will be taken.  AKA: Crowds… it’s a contact support.

China Survival Skill #10: For your own sanity -set your expectations low to allow plenty of room for pleasant surprise.

After another fantastic weekend in the great northeast, there are a few more items to report . . .

“So 1 Russian, 2 Germans, 2 Americans, and 13 Chinese pile into 4 cars and start driving North . . .”  (nope, not the start of a joke, the start of our weekend . . . there is no punchline but it was a very interesting if not active weekend).  We drove to Yi Chun . . . The Yellowstone of China.  Several different national parks and refuges.  More on that in a future post along with a “guess what we ate?” segment.

Heard:  WE took a different route driving out of town because we first stopped at the factory to take our position as “Car #3” in the convoy (in honor of “The Intimidator” . . . this is more accurate then WE could ever describe here . . .).    After turning the corner, SHE spotted a restaurant that we had never seen before. 

SHE:  “Look at that restaurant . . . it looks nice.  We should come back here and try it some time.”  (reading the name as it was displayed in pinyin below the Chinese Characters) “<family name removed for protection> gow row”

HE:  “I think you might want to sound that out . . .”

SHE:  “go . . . oh . . . nevermind”  (cue 2 chinese people laughing from the front seat of the car)

Reader Note:  Gou Rou in Pinyin is Dog Meat (pronounced “Go-Row” if you were wondering)  . . . . It was a very nice looking Dog Meat Restaurant.  This provided a “talk-about” topic in the car for the next 10 minutes . . .

SEEN:  A new beer offering from Jiafeng (the Jiamusi brand) including a college student dressed in Jiafeng clothes at the restaurant trying to promote the new suds.  While WE didn’t choose to try the new beer “Jiafeng Draft”, we did get to see the new bottle of the regular old Jiafeng.

As a comparison, in college HE had a friend who was a loyal Budweiser Fan . . . not Bud Light. Budweiser.  As in “This is the famous Budweiser beer.  We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age.  Our exclusive Beechwood aging produces a taste, a smoothness, and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price.”   HE claims to have heard it enough to memorize it even though given a choice Budweiser would be one of the last.  Check the label . . . We think it is still there . . .

It is time for the King of Beers to move over . . . Directly from Jiamusi, Jiafeng Beer has thrown down the gauntlet.  Their label reads (in ENGLISH!) “Jiafeng Beer is famous in China which started early in 1943.  It’s charily brewed by using high and new technology integrating modern technics and Jiafeng’s traditional skill.  Jiafeng Beer brings a nice and pure taste that you never resist.”

A few comments: 

• WE believe Jiafeng Beer started in 1943, not China the country (but our history skills are average at best – someone recently did find the online 12th grade Geography test to be challenging but we are pretty certain we know where China, Jiamusi and Jiafeng Brewery are). 
• WE had to look up “charily” — not a word in our English wheelhouse . . . Charily:  1.  Wary – cautiously reluctant to do something; 2. Sparing – reluctant to share, give or use something; 3. concerned – fussily concerned; 4. shy – showing or characterized by shyness or modesty.  WE are not sure . . . maybe #4 . . . shyly or modestly brewed.  We hope it isn’t #1 or #2 that is being brewed.
• WE do agree that you never resist . . . especially when your drink options are heated tap water or Jiafeng.
• The Jiafeng College Girl pushing the new draft beer did indicate that we could stop by for a tour . . . or maybe she didn’t.  Our Chinese is terrible and her English was pretty good but the conversation had a lot of strange exchanges.  Example:  JFBG (Jiafeng Beer Girl) was wearing a Jiafeng shirt, carrying Jiafeng bottles, and asked us “Would you like to try a new Jiafeng Beer?”.  WE:  “Are you from Jiafeng Brewery?” (because we had been to this restaurant before and knew she wasn’t part of the waitstaff and it wasn’t typical to receive a tableside drink suggestion).  JFBG:  “No, I am from Shandong” (this is her home town).
• WE have every intention of touring Jiafeng Brewery to check on the high and new technology as well as the integration (or collision) of modern technics and traditional skill.  Report to follow.

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CAPTURED: (But only on film)  Lion-Dog — he was guarding the auto parts store in the afternoon and D (AKA #3, The Intimidator) was coerced to “Ting” (Chinese for stop) for a photo.  He is getting a little shaggy and in need of a Mane-Cut . . . but the photo has been uploaded for your viewing pleasure.

SEEN (finally!):  After months of discussion, multiple HE sightings and many, many pictures shared, SHE finally saw XuJiu.  (If you don’t know who XuJiu is . . . Where have you been?  Do you really consider yourself a RoamingFryer Regular?  Get yourself caught up by going to He Said>Archive>XuJiu  . . . right now!).  Over the past couple months, WE have spent several lunch breaks walking the grounds in an attempt to locate him.  WE were in the car leaving the factory when XuJiu sauntered across the road in front of the car.  D immediately shouted “There’s your Cat!” (because that is how HE refers to XuJiu . . . “My Cat”), but SHE refused to request the “Ting” to check him out.  There is a debate whether this was for fear of rejection or for fear of being able to leave him wandering the streets of Jiamusi.  SHE did indicate that he looked very healthy (but not in a delicious way). 

HEARD (after Translation):  A Chinese Saying and Chinese Joke . . . both are likely much more interesting spoken in Chinese.  These are not original and may not tickle your fancy, but they were funny to us.

• Saying about people in the South of China:  “They eat everything that flies in the sky except airplanes, everything on land except cars, and everything that swims in the water but boats”
• Joke:  (this might sound a little like the start of a weekend trip)  A German, an American and a Chinese person are on a trip together in the woods.  A spaceship lands and an alien exits the UFO, approaches the group and says “I have come to exchange ideas and information with you – what would you like to know?”.  The German indicates that he desires to fully understand the technology installed in the flying vehicle.  The American indicates that he would like to understand what weapons are carried on-board.  The Chinese person indicates that he would like to go home and check to see if he has a recipe for alien but looks forward to meeting him again the next day.